Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Menno Air, the no-frills airline

I don't know who wrote this but it's too funny not to pass on.


If you are traveling soon, consider Menno Air, da no-frills airline. You're
all in da same boat on Menno Air, vhere flying is an uplifting experience.
Der is no First Class on any Menno Air flight.
Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls, 7-15 bring a salad,
16-21 a main dish, and 22-30 a dessert. Basses and tenors please sit in da
rear of da aircraft
Everyone  is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by
freevill offering  and da plane vill not land until da budget is met.
Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acqvuaint you vith da
safety system aboard dis  Menno Air 599.
Okay den, listen up: I'm only gonna say dis yust once. In da event of a
sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and
so vill Captain Wiebe and Co-captain Penner because ve fly right around
2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure vould probably indicate da Second
Coming or something of dat nature, and I vouldn't bother with dose little
masks on da rubber tubes. You're gonna have bigger tings to worry about den
dat. Yust stuff dose back up in der little holes.  Probably da masks fell
out because of turbulence vhich, to be honest vith ya, ve're going to have
quite a bit of at 2000 feet...sort of like driving across a plowed field,
but  after a vhile ya get used to it.
In da event of a vater landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying da Lord's
Prayer and yust hope ya get to da part about  forgive us our sins as ve
forgive dose who sin against us, vhich some people say "trespass against
us," vhich isn't right, but vat can ya do?
Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because dey
may interfere  vith the plane's navigational system, vhich is seat of da
pants all da vay...  no, it's because cell phones are a pain in the vazoo
and if God meant ya to  use a cell phone, He vould have put your mouth on da
side of your head.
Ve're going to start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style vith the
coffee pot up front.
Den ve have da hymn sing... hymnals in da seat pocket in front of you.
Don't take yours vith you vhen ya go or I am going to be real upset and I am
not kidding!
Right now I'll say Grace..."Come Lord Jesus be our guest and let dese gifts
to us be blest. Father, Son and Holy Ghost, may ve land in Vinnipeg or
pretty close.  Amen".



Elma Schemenauer CONSIDER THE SUNFLOWERS: 1940s-era novel about love, Mennonites, faith, & betrayal.  Info at   Order from Chapters online or Borealis Press


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